Child Rearing And Danger by David Briars ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The trial of two environmentalists sued by the McDonald's corporation in order to silence them has highlighted McDonalds' truly sinister advertising strategy to control the minds of young children. Last summer I saw one of these after-school commercials. It made me shiver at the time, and it made reading about their 2-8 year old targeting strategy fit right into place. I look over to my own TV with a feeling of horror but also sadness. Just throwing away the television or blowing it up etc.etc. is not a satisfactory answer. The TV is an important tool as well as a dangerous weapon like a gun. We need a way to raise our children to be able to coexist with TV rationally and safely, without being seduced by it. Like any dangerous thing, the proper time to introduce it to a child is when that child is mature enough to be able to handle it. Child Rearing And TV Raising a child is a process of teaching self control and good sense in a wide variety of dangerous situations. Early childhood is when we most need the wisdom of generations to raise our children, Yet television is bleeding our culture of its child rearing heritage. I recently saw a 6 month old baby placed directly in front of a 48 inch TV to keep him quiet. I went up to the baby and tried to get his attention by gently squeezing his feet and smiling and talking to him. The baby remained absolutely transfixed on the gigantic face of Winona Judd singing a song about some Peyton Place melodrama. What will that child know about child rearing except how to carry his own living child, glassy eyed to the foot of the robot giver-of-stimulation. Television has been slowly taking over the child rearing process for at least 2 generations. Child Rearing And Hysteria Hysteria, or irrational panic, takes many forms. Most of us have looked down over a steep cliff or tall building and felt ourselves being pulled over the edge. I would like to propose that this feeling is an archetypal, elemental example of hysteria. It springs from a Pavlovian experience of being screamed at for going near precipices. The scream assumes that the child has no instinct of self preservation, no mind, no self. Only DANGER in relation to PRECIPICE. Now this is a genuinely frightening part of child rearing. I don't have all the answers, but I cannot forget the sight of a 3 year old son of a rural Vermont saw mill owner being allowed to wander around in the sawmill. Anyone who has seen the inside of a dark backwoods sawmill with its giant deadly blade at floor level, sliding log carrying table, deafening noise and greasy wet floor would be astonished that even an adult would be allowed to wander there. But this same child is now graduating from high-school. Somehow this child was taught without panic to conduct himself rationally in a life threatening environment. I'm not sure how, but it can be done. Danger is everywhere in our lives. Very few children born today will go through life without confronting many dangerous situations, not only sawmills, but guns, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, and television. We need calmness and care in teaching our children about these dangers-- not just by screaming !NO! but by sharing the real human difficulties of dealing with each. Too soon, each child will be meeting brand new unthought-of dangers that they could not have been made !BAD! by Pavlovian conditioning. They must meet them with reason grounded in self confidence. Not long ago I came upon a flag-draped magazine designed by an association of gun manufacturers to fight the anti-gun lobby in the USA. It had a consistent, simple-minded, depressing theme: "Crime is caused by not-enough-punishment and not-enough-guns". However, I was not prepared for the last article: a very surprising and wonderful essay called "A Parent's Guide To Children and Firearms". It has a great deal to teach us about teaching children how to deal with dangerous things. Substitute the terror of your choice for "firearms" whether it is TV, drugs, tobacco, alcohol. The essay will still ring true. -David Briars (dbriars@world.std.com) ------------------------------------------------------------------- A Parent's Guide To Children and Firearms by John Aquilno If you recently purchased your first firearm, or already own a firearm and have children in your home, you must realize that teaching your child to be safe around guns begins with you, the parent. It is your decision to have guns in your home. You also decide when and to what extent to teach your child about guns and gun safety. The trust your child has in you, and your advice will determine to a great degree your success in raising your child to be safe with guns. That trust is built through your ability to provide the things every child needs: love, attention, discipline, values, respect, and ways to deal with problems and emotions. A Parent's Challenge You help teach your child to make correct decisions. The guidelines you set up will help your child lay out a path between right and wrong. Discipline is extremely important for your children to learn how to control his or her behavior. It helps develop your child's trust in you and your advice. Loving, yet consistent application of rules and consequences makes it likely that when you set the limits for your child's behavior around guns, or anything, your child will know that "no" means "no", that you mean exactly what you say. Teaching your child to use words to express his or her feelings of happiness or frustration or jealousy or anger can go a long way in reducing the likelihood he or she will instead respond with physical harm to others. A child who has been respected, encouraged, and praised by parents learns confidence and is secure. That child is less likely to see a gun as an artificial means of acquiring power or self importance. Growing up is every child's challenge. Through the example and limits you set, your child will develop a sense of self-esteem, and his or her love for you will grow. When to Teach Timing is extremely important to successful teaching. When your child starts to ask questions or act out "gun play", the time is ripe. Use your child's curiosity as an indicator. Seize the teachable moment. Be prepared to discuss, demonstrate, and answer questions. Keep the lesson simple. Emphasize the most important points and repeat, repeat, repeat. Your child's attention may wander. Don't be discouraged. Be Patient. Teach Facts, Not Fear Versed in the facts of gun safety, your child is more likely to make sound decisions around guns. Be open and honest about guns. If you've raised a child to be confident and secure, that child will be more resistant to peer pressure to "show off" in an unsafe manner and will most likely avoid wrong behavior and be safe around guns, whether you are present or not. Fantasy Vs. Reality An active imagination can be a very healthy trait, but the ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy is very important. Action thrillers on television or in the movies are fantasy. They are entertainment. it is very important that your child knows this seemingly simple fact. Actors on television use play guns. They pretend to be wounded and die. After the show, they get up and appear on other films or on other TV stations. Don't assume your child knows the difference between a toy gun and a real gun. Guns are used on television are toys. Guns such as BB guns and firearms--pistols, rifles, and shotguns are not toys. They are real guns. They must never be confused with toy guns. If you allow your child to play with toy guns, use them to demonstrate safe and proper behavior with all guns. Gun Safety (Drug Safety, Alcohol Safety, TV Safety, Tobacco Safety) Parent, gun safety begins with you. Use common sense with your guns. Keep your guns and ammunition inaccessible to your child. Don't leave them lying around where a toddler can stumble on them. Think from your child's point of view. What drawers are within reach? Can they be opened by a little one pulling himself or herself up? If so, those places are *not* inaccessible. A point about ammunition should be noted: A cartridge or shotshell is not something that should be played with by a child. Keep your ammunition as safe as you would your gun. If you do not have a child or if your child has moved from home, these precautions still apply. A child may come to visit. How best to secure your guns in your home and keep them from a child is a question only you can answer. You know your home. You set the "do's" and "don'ts" of your child's behavior. Set those guidelines. Insist that they be honored at all times, when you are home and when you are away from home. The attitude toward guns and gun safety you instill in yourself and your children is key. Don't make it a one-way street. Follow the same rules you set for your child. Enlist your child as a scout for gun safety to be on the alert whenever the rules are broken. Three Rules of Safe Gun Handling 1. Once the decision is made, impress on your child to *always keep a gun pointed in a safe direction*. Whether you are shooting or simply handling your gun, never point the muzzle at yourself or others. Common sense will dictate which is safest depending on your location and various other conditions. Generally it is safest to point the gun upward or at the ground. 2. Insist that your child *keep his or her finger off the trigger*. There is a natural tendency to place your finger on a trigger when holding a gun. Avoid it. That's what the trigger guard is made for--to enable you to hold the gun comfortably with your finger off the trigger. 3. Keep the action open and the gun unloaded until ready to use. Whenever you pick up any gun, immediately open the action and check (visually if possible) to see that the chamber is unloaded. If the gun has a magazine, make sure it's empty. If you do not know how to open the gun's action, leave it alone or get help from someone who does. Remember, any time you handle a gun your child may be watching and learning from your behavior. Your Child Wants To Shoot You may wish to extend your child's knowledge of gun safety to safe handling and use. If so, and if your child expresses an interest in learning to shoot, you, better than anyone, can determine when and if your child is ready. There is no magic age. A child's attitude and physical and emotional development are better indicators.