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From: rob@sleaze.ssec.wisc.edu ( Rob Jacob)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Real Programmers
Keywords: quiche
Message-ID: <1992Jan10.002634.10345@meteor.wisc.edu>
Date: 10 Jan 92 00:26:34 GMT
Sender: @meteor.wisc.edu
Organization: Space Science and Engineering Center, UW Madison
Lines: 58


Someone requested a posting of this a long time ago and
I finally got around to it.  I copied this from an old,
yellowed printout hanging on the wall of a former employer's
office.  Please post any additions that have been made to it.

Robert Jacob

		REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE SPECS
			source unknown

Real Programmers don't write specs -- users should consider themselves
lucky to get any programs at all, and take what they get.

Real Programmers don't comment their code.  If it was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand.

Real Programmers don't write applications programs.  They program right
down to the bare metal.  Applications programming if for feebs who can't do
system programming.

Real Programmers don't eat quiche.  They eat twinkies.  And Szechwan food.
(Do not go to eat Szechwan food with a group of Real Programmers unless
you are prepared to argue bitterly over the last spring roll or
potsticker.)

Real Programmers don't write COBOL.  COBOL is for wimpy application
programmers.

Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time.  But if you
throw them on the machine, they can be patched into working in "only a
few" 30-hour debugging sessions.

Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe stress
freaks and crystallography weenies.

Real Programmers don't write in BASIC.  Actually, no programmers write in
BASIC. . .after age twelve.

Real Programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for programmers who can't
decide weather to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport which requires you
to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and Real Programmers wear
their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up
in the middle of the computer room.

Real Programmers don't do documentation.  Documentation is for simps who
can't figure out the listing.

Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those
pinko computer science languages.  Strong typing is for people with weak
memories.



Robert Jacob
rob@meteor.wisc.edu